Blog Post #4, Revision :)

On Friday I was able to hear from 2 different perspectives (Nick and Isabella) about my essay and possible revisions or things to keep the same. One of the first things I wrote down was the both people thought I did a sufficient job of identifying my audience and how each article spoke to them and used certain rhetoric to speak to them. However, although I identified the audience for both articles, just this did not make my paragraphs seem to flow well together. A comment was made that there seemed to be a sharp break or disconnection between by 2 article analyses. I think since this was my rough draft, this should be something to not be super concerned about as a final draft will be more polished and should be more fluid. I'm also not too sure how much I will be graded on if my paragraphs are fluid because both readers said they were still able to understand what was going on even with a sort of obvious transition between by 2 analyses. The other major comment I had was to include actual quotes. This was something I will take very seriously because I have no idea why I chose not to do this the first time. A plan I have is to go back and read through my sources once again and find some quotes that can possibly back up what I'm saying the stakeholders were trying to say and how they said it. That way, the reader of my essay won't always have to take my word for what I'm saying the author's choices are.